Commitment of the heart

Commitment is valuable today. It is giving your heart as a gift. It is supposed to be given to someone you treasure and care for. A commitment of heart gives no room for others.

Last night God, at least I think it was him, started to talk to my heart about commitment. How my heart had made a one-way commitment to someone that should not have it. Someone that did not see the value of my interest. I was told that I am far too valuable for giving such a commitment. My feelings for a person should not decide my level of commitment. My commitment is supposed to be a gift, only given to someone willing to give a commitment back in return. 

I made my self a promise that I aim to follow. Here is my promise:

I promise myself that I will no longer commit myself to anyone that does not see the value of commitment themselves. My heart is far to valuable for making a one-way commitment. I deserve to be loved and respected by someone that sees my true value, and does not treat me like I am one in a crowd.

I will release any man from my heart, regardless of feelings, that does not show enough interest to pursue me, respect my opinions and my body, or resists to invest the amount of time and effort that is necessary in order to feel safe.

If I ever forget this promise, I ask you God to remind my heart of it. 

Africa - my long lost lover

You call on me again, like you often do. Even though my fear makes me not want to listen. Often it is like a whisper, but lately your cry is getting louder.

I try to forget you in my busyness, but suddenly you are there again. Reminding me that I should be somewhere else. Frustrating me, because I don't know if I have what it takes to be your lover. I fear my heart will break. I fear that I will feel helpless, confronted with all the needs. You keep whispering, and calling on me, and I am on my way giving in. I know that He that walks with me, holds my hand, and will never leave me, no matter what. He tells me that I don't have to be strong, as He is my strength.

You were such a big part of my childhood dreams, and someone I loved. I thought we would be together more, but we lost the touch. Will I still feel the same for you?  I guess there is just one way to find out. Africa, my long lost lover.

Forever a stranger and foreigner

I can often feel like a stranger and foreigner on earth, always looking for a place to belong. Maybe I will never fully feel at home on earth. Whenever I start feeling slightly at home, something comes and shakes up my world. However, I know that the best is yet to come, and is forward me, as I am a child of God.  

If I feel too home, loved and accepted, and too safe, I am hard to move. 

It is when you start to get more and more uncomfortable with your circumstances, and when you loose the sense of belonging somewhere, and your illusion of being home is destroyed. The fear for the unknown is smaller than the present pain. That is when you start moving towards something else. 

Abraham lived a long life, and also him felt like a stranger. In the end of his life when burying his wife he said:

"I am a foreigner and stranger among you. Sell me some property for a burial site here so I can bury my dead."

Maybe it is my time to move soon, I can hear the calling and I am drawn towards the unknown. I have this picture in my head of home. The home is far away in another country. Maybe I am just dreaming, but I know that I will never know unless I step into the unknown. There is a little girl over there. She is holding my hand and welcoming me HOME. I am going to fight for her, and we will be together forever.