Commitment of the heart

Commitment is valuable today. It is giving your heart as a gift. It is supposed to be given to someone you treasure and care for. A commitment of heart gives no room for others.

Last night God, at least I think it was him, started to talk to my heart about commitment. How my heart had made a one-way commitment to someone that should not have it. Someone that did not see the value of my interest. I was told that I am far too valuable for giving such a commitment. My feelings for a person should not decide my level of commitment. My commitment is supposed to be a gift, only given to someone willing to give a commitment back in return. 

I made my self a promise that I aim to follow. Here is my promise:

I promise myself that I will no longer commit myself to anyone that does not see the value of commitment themselves. My heart is far to valuable for making a one-way commitment. I deserve to be loved and respected by someone that sees my true value, and does not treat me like I am one in a crowd.

I will release any man from my heart, regardless of feelings, that does not show enough interest to pursue me, respect my opinions and my body, or resists to invest the amount of time and effort that is necessary in order to feel safe.

If I ever forget this promise, I ask you God to remind my heart of it. 

Africa - my long lost lover

You call on me again, like you often do. Even though my fear makes me not want to listen. Often it is like a whisper, but lately your cry is getting louder.

I try to forget you in my busyness, but suddenly you are there again. Reminding me that I should be somewhere else. Frustrating me, because I don't know if I have what it takes to be your lover. I fear my heart will break. I fear that I will feel helpless, confronted with all the needs. You keep whispering, and calling on me, and I am on my way giving in. I know that He that walks with me, holds my hand, and will never leave me, no matter what. He tells me that I don't have to be strong, as He is my strength.

You were such a big part of my childhood dreams, and someone I loved. I thought we would be together more, but we lost the touch. Will I still feel the same for you?  I guess there is just one way to find out. Africa, my long lost lover.

Forever a stranger and foreigner

I can often feel like a stranger and foreigner on earth, always looking for a place to belong. Maybe I will never fully feel at home on earth. Whenever I start feeling slightly at home, something comes and shakes up my world. However, I know that the best is yet to come, and is forward me, as I am a child of God.  

If I feel too home, loved and accepted, and too safe, I am hard to move. 

It is when you start to get more and more uncomfortable with your circumstances, and when you loose the sense of belonging somewhere, and your illusion of being home is destroyed. The fear for the unknown is smaller than the present pain. That is when you start moving towards something else. 

Abraham lived a long life, and also him felt like a stranger. In the end of his life when burying his wife he said:

"I am a foreigner and stranger among you. Sell me some property for a burial site here so I can bury my dead."

Maybe it is my time to move soon, I can hear the calling and I am drawn towards the unknown. I have this picture in my head of home. The home is far away in another country. Maybe I am just dreaming, but I know that I will never know unless I step into the unknown. There is a little girl over there. She is holding my hand and welcoming me HOME. I am going to fight for her, and we will be together forever. 

Kjærlighet begynner med....

At jeg gir opp

Kampen for å bli sett

Kampen for å bli akseptert 

Av de som ikke vil

At jeg slutter opp

med å spille sterk

med å si at jeg er ok

Når jeg ikke er det. 

At jeg slutter 

å alltid kreve av meg selv

evnen å håndtere situasjoner og personer 

som fremkaller smerte
Perfekt utad

For å selv vokse 

Det begynner med å lytte til mine følelser

Kjenne etter hva som tar energien.

Gjenkjenne hva det er som gjør meg lei meg

Gjenkjenne det som gjør meg lykkelig

Kjærlighet begynner med at jeg tar hånd om meg.

Det begynner med at jeg elsker meg.

Gud i naturen

I Meet You - By: Marte Andvik

When I'm walking in Your nature

I always meet You there

I meet You in the field of wild flowers

You show me that You are colorful

And I learn that You love diversity

I meet You in the waterfalls

You show me that You are powerful

And I learn to fear Your holiness

I meet You in the middle of the trees in forrest

You show me that You protect me from the storms

And I learn that I'm always safe in Your hands.

I meet You by the still waters

You show me how to listen to You

And I learn that You speak in the silence

I meet You when I feel the wind against my body

You show me that You are everywhere at the same time

And I learn that Your spirit always surrounds me, 

I meet You on the mountain tops

You show me how great You are

And I learn to be thankful that You're a part of my life.

I meet You when I meet other people

You show me that we're all unique

And I learn to accept myself with my differences. 

I also meet You when I look at myself

You show me that I'm your creation

And I learn that You love me and live in me. 

Bølgens siste dans

Bølgen vet at det er siste dansen

Bølgen gir ifra seg små sukk

Knapt merkverdige klynk av smerte

Det gjør vondt å treffe land


Bølgen danset med vinden

I det åpne havet

Sammen med andre bølger

Havet var en medgjørlig partner

Fulgte alle vindens retninger

Bølgen følte seg fri fra kontroll

Helt til den nærmet seg land

Bølgen vil stoppe

Bølgen vil ikke slutte å danse

Men vinden styrer

Bølgen kan ikke fri seg fra naturkreftene


Bølgen gir ifra seg siste hjertesukk

Havet har funnet roen   

Stavanger bye, bye

Hjertet mitt gråter.
Jeg vil ikke forlate deg.

Stavanger, Stavanger,
Du vakre, du fredlige.
som har gitt meg så mye.
Men ikke helt roen,
ikke følelsen av et hjem.

Det føles fjernt å tenke meg bort.
Men også fjernt å tenke at du er min fremtid.
Er jeg for evig rastløs vandrer.
Eller hører jeg hjemme et annet sted?

Svarene finnes ikke ennå.
Veien blir til mens man går.
Kanskje kommer jeg igjen.

Jeg skulle ønske at du holdt meg fast.
Holdt meg hardt fast og sa stopp.
Ga meg en grunn for å bli.
Ikke bare en følelse av å trives.
Lot meg føle at jeg hadde et hjem.

Det er så mye vakkert i Stavanger.
Alle de vakre menneskene jeg har i livet
Lyst som små stjerner i min verden.
Jeg vil savne dem så mye.

Det har blåst litt på, her i Stavanger.
I storm og solskinn har dine folk vært der.
I sorg og glede, i håp og i skuffelse.
Jeg er evig takknemlig.

Sorgen for å forlate føles tung
jeg forlater mennesker jeg er glad i.
Mennesker som har fått en plass i hjertet.

Hjertet mitt gråter.
Jeg vil ikke forlate deg.

Hjertet mitt er på let.
Det ønsker å finne sitt hjem.